By em/mett

Tear out my heart
leave me with nothing but the memories
and nightmares
of you

I will no longer
excuse your actions
or call you a
damaged soul

I am grown up
drinking seven cups of coffee
smoking a pack a day
smothering myself
in words and paint

You will always be a damaged soul,
of course,
but that will no longer keep me awake
for weeks on end
that will no longer make me
drink myself to sleep

You will always be my first
but you could never be my last
you changed me
in a way no one thought possible

so thank you

I enjoy proving people wrong

I am still angry
upset
and unsure
about you and what you did

but I don’€™t mind those feelings anymore

I am (still) writing bad poetry with those feelings
I am (still) painting strange pictures with those feelings
I am (still) creating a life of my own with those feelings

thank you for momentarily
ruining
my life

thank you for pushing me into the dirt and snow

thank you for the illusion of love
that will no longer
blind any road ahead

that will no longer haunt me